i fell in love with her at the end of october. it wasn't something you'd notice straight away,
but you know the feeling and the way it sets roots in you. not in the soul or heart, rather in your mind and eyes,
because your mind gets occupied with thoughts about what thoughts she would have as well,
and your eyes start to catch all of her and the things you've seen thousands of times but haven't noticed yet.
the end of october is when i notice the crack in her favourite mug and the way she lovingly strokes it with her big finger
while pouring in hot water. it's the type of a crack that hisses quietly at the water touch.
i see her smile and for some reason i feel the need to know who she thinks of when the crack speaks up,
but i wouldn't forgive myself for ruining her special meaningless moment. it makes me wonder if she ever watches me too,
it makes me wonder if i have special moments that could not mean anything to anyone else but be crucial to what i am.
i fell in love with the way she walks up to the balcony window for a morning stretch and all i can see is
her black figure in the white daylight that cheerfully shines over her, hiding her details and highlighting her sides and corners,
embedding her essence into a shape i can have a hold of. you might think feelings are bodyless but if you loved,
you'd know you're the one to tear a part of yourself and to pick what to put that mess into. heartbreak doesn't hurt because
the one you loved is missing, it hurts because you miss yourself and what you've let go of yourself for nothing in return.